How You Can Better Protect Your Children From Sexual Abuse

When news broke that a well respected, trusted community member like Todd Sousa of Irvine, the former owner of Swim Venture, had been charged with an inappropriate relationship with an underage girl, most everyone was shocked.

The idea that anyone working directly with children and teens would misuse their power, betray the trust of their own family and injure a minor both physically and psychologically is disgusting. Hearing breaking news of this kind, parents and grandparents shudder at the implications. However, after the initial shock of such revelations, families often mistakenly believe that their loved ones are sheltered from the possibility of such tragedy, as such a horrific thing could never happen within their inner or outer circle.

“I always know where my children are”, parents might say, feeling a statistically inaccurate level of security. Or, they might feel their children are safe as “they always have a cell phone with them.”  

The wake up call to this feeling of inherent safety may be found in the disturbing statistics. While most parents worry about the risk of sexual abuse from a predatory stranger, the actual numbers strike frighteningly closer to home. 

The facts are as follows:  
There are 39 million survivors of sexual abuse in America today.
Within North America, 15 -20 percent of women and 5 -15 percent of men are abused as children.
30 percent of children are abused by someone within their family.
60 percent are abused by other acquaintances—such as babysitters, neighbors, etc.
10 percent are abused by strangers.
Additionally, more than 80 percent of childhood sexual abuse cases occur in one adult/one child situations. 
1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are abused before the age of 18.
1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet. 
An estimated 23 percent of reported cases of child sexual abuse are perpetrated by persons under the age of 18.

(Facts according to TAALK (www.taalk.org), American Psychological Association (www.apa.org), Center for Disease Control (www.cdc.gov), and the research of David Finkelhor, PhD, professor of sociology for the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire (http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/pdf/VS75.pdf.)

These numbers are not to scare parents or caretakers into a paranoid state, but empower them. There are concrete steps which can reduce your child’s risk of ever suffering from such a horrific crime.

One local mother made it her mission to help bring public awareness to this all too common tragedy, which most never talk about. Diane Cranley, of Laguna Niguel, founded the organization TAALK- which seeks to unravel the silence surrounding sexual abuse by bringing valuable tips, training, and awareness to families and individuals. Cranley runs support groups, seminars and training programs, along with a free daily email list with tips to better protect children and families through education.  Her interest in reaching out into the community occurred when her youngest daughter disclosed that she had been abused.

Cranley quickly learned that in addition to children being physically abused, many other children are abused through a form of perpetual grooming. Grooming is a way some pedophiles attempt to build trust and rapport with children and/or their parents. Grooming might include being very lax on rules, overly helpful or spoiling with treats and/or gifts, etc. 

When I initially met Cranley in 2008, she was running a TAALK booth at a local health fair.  Not realizing how valuable signing up for her mailing list would be, I initially resisted.   I figured that I didn’t need more mail in my inbox and prided myself on my ability to protect children and my knowledge of safety measures.   However, her daily tips have proven an invaluable resource which every caretaker of a child should be exposed to. Her informative mailings are inspiring and empowering, and other times just plain scary. The facts and safety measures she suggests cut through parental justifications and laziness—helping to break down the wall sexual abuse has had for so long. I find myself better able to identify the warning signs of inappropriate behavior. For example, even if a non-predator jokes that your children should not tell you something (even if it is minor, like they ate candy, etc.), one should immediately explain to one’s children or the individual that this is not appropriate. Once your children realize that requests for secrecy are not acceptable, they will be less likely to accept it from someone who might not have their best interests at heart. 

This is in-line with one of Cranley’s TAALK tips—to train children to trust their intuition. For instance, parents should never force their child to hug or spend time with someone they seem uncomfortable with. If your child displays discomfort around a specific individual—find out why! 

Another TAALK tip, which I habitually find parents are not aware of, is to never allow your children or tweens to go into a public restroom alone. Even is this means your boys have to go into the ladies’ room, or vice versa.

Also, be sure to check facilities, when evaluating a daycare center for your infant. Look for a diapering location that will be observable by staff members and adults throughout the course of the day.

Finally, though there are many more tips, any child with injury, infection, or complaints regarding their genital area should be immediately evaluated by a medical professional.
Despite the efforts and supervision of parents, the risks of sexual abuse still exist.

For more information on TAALK, sign up for their free mailing list, or attend one of their prevention, support programs, or other events.  Visit taalk.org and be sure to visit TAALK on Facebook and recommend it to friends!