Teacher's Tips: Teaching Your Child About Sexual Abuse

Many Aliso Viejo citizens were both shocked and saddened to learn of the alleged sexual assault incident at Grand Park on July 8.  Particularly disturbing was the fact that the child’s parents were said to be just a few feet away from her when it occurred.  The parents contacted the police to report the crime shortly after the incident, and a description of the offender was given. A suspect was apprehended and is now in custody.

And while the parents may have felt horrible knowing that this happened to their child, they made some very wise choices in dealing with the situation.  First, they listened to their child and they believed her. They must have done something right prior to the incident because she felt comfortable enough to tell them right away.  The parents contacted the police, and the information that was provided by the child and her family was enough to find a suspect and make an arrest.  It was later discovered that this man was suspected of sexually assaulting another child.  I believe the quick action by this young child and her family has probably saved many other children from being victimized in the future.

I do not know this child, so I have no idea how her parents prepared her for what to do in the event someone tries to harm her.  However, whatever they said worked. She communicated what happened to her.  Many children suffer through abuse because they are frightened and do not know whom to tell or how to find the words necessary to explain why they need intervention. 

Here are some ideas you can use when talking to your child about safety concerns:

• “Our private parts are the parts of our body that are covered when we are wearing a bathing suit.  If anyone ever tries to touch you in your private areas or in a way that is uncomfortable to you, please tell me about it so that I can help you.”
• Whom can your child trust?  As their parent, you probably know who you feel would be an appropriate choice.  Of course, parents would be the first choice, but let them know that there are other people that they can trust also (perhaps a minister, counselor, teacher or a close relative.) It is sometimes difficult for a child to communicate this sort of issue, so having more than one resource is helpful.
• “There are good secrets and bad secrets. A good secret makes you feel excited and happy like a surprise birthday party or how you might feel if you draw a special picture for someone.  But bad secrets are different.  They can feel very confusing and uncomfortable.  You never have to keep a secret even if you promised you wouldn’t tell.  And if it is a bad secret, you need to tell!”
• “If an adult touches a child in one of these ways, it is the adult that did something wrong, not the child.”  As you are probably aware, children are often told by a predator that they would get in trouble if they were to tell anyone, so it is important for the parent to dispel that notion. 

Whatever you do, make your child aware that you would want to know if someone tried to harm them in this way.  Keep those lines of communication open!